So I feel like there’s first some history here that needs to be explained. This is a girl who I met about a year ago and we became friends very quickly. In fact, we’re pretty much inseparable and hang out almost every day. Towards the beginning of our friendship, maybe three or four months in, she confessed that she had feelings for me but for some reason that I still don’t understand, I turned her down. I had never had a girlfriend before and might have been scared of the situation or something of the sort, but I still regret that decision a lot.
A lot of time has passed since then. We drifted apart for a little while after that happened but now it’s safe to say that we’re closer than we’ve ever been. And lately, I’ve started thinking of her as more than my best friend. I keep having these dreams of kissing her, like that’s the whole dream. Or sometimes she looks at me and I want to just do it as a matter of instinct, and have to stop myself.
Here’s why this is bad – I’m leaving for college in two months, and she’s two years younger than I am. The school I’m going to is within driving distance and it’s also in a major metropolitan area with trains/whatnot so I’m probably going to be back home every weekend and she’s already talked about how much she’s going to visit me next year. Still, the separation that college creates is pretty definite, and it seems like I’m trapped in a situation in which any outcome is shitty – either I have to be the better man and hold my tongue which sucks for me, or I reveal my feelings and get turned down which sucks for both of us, or I reveal my feelings and get the same back which is fantastic for two months and then is really shitty afterwards.
I don’t know if our history makes my situation more difficult or makes me less friendzoned. I also don’t know if lately she’s gotten more flirty with me, or if I’m just interpreting the same things in more of a “wishful thinking” way. She’s constantly giving me random hugs, cuddling with me when we watch TV, changing her name in my phone to “(her name) my lover,” being generally flirtatious. One time I came over to her house at about 10:30 PM and she was in a shirt and spandex, and she said something along the lines of “You know I was gonna put on pants, but then I was like he’s harmless,’ so I didn’t and I hope you’re cool with that.” Like have I just been friendzoned that hard?
Anyway, I’m not sure what out of that barrage of information can be “given advice” about, but I’d appreciate any input you have.